FEAR OF BEING JUDGED
Hypnotisability test :8/10
Eye Roll test:2
ant Trait: Kinaesthetic,score 4
What client wanted to know?
Client lived in an orthodox and very strict environment .
She had lot of family responsibilities on her shoulders after marriage .Despite of being well educated and talented,she couldnot do anything for her own growth.She was never supported by the family.Her married life was affected badly as her husband didn’t like her inexpressible nature.she felt an extreme and constant fear of being judged.This fear further detoriated the quality of life leading her to feel frustrated and angry on her own self.Responsibilities became a burdon on her and she knew no way out.She suffered a lot struggling through all this.She said that many women handle the family issues and for them its a normal way of living but why was she affected so abnormally. It made her feel so suffocated and losing control on herself in the process . She was helplessly inexpressive. she was keen on knowing the actual reason and the root cause of this fear.
BELOW IS THE DESCRIPTION & RECORD(WRITTEN/TYPED FORM) OF THE TALK BETWEEN THE THERAPIST AND THE CLIENT(in deep trance)
Here Client is addressed as ‘C’
And Therapist as ‘T’
T:look at yourself. Look around.
‘C’:I am waiting for someone…
T:Are you a man or a woman?
C: I am a woman.
T: what is your name?
C: silent… don’t know
T: Look around and tell me about the place ur are in
C:I am standing alone on a road(a narrow road ) and there are trees around.But I don’t feel unsafe here.Iam waiting…
‘T’:Who are you waiting for??
‘C’: Can’t see that
‘T’:OK just relax…
T: How old are u?
C:I am 30yrs old
T:Breathe in deep
And breath out
Just relax …
T:Can you describe a little about your physical personality?
C:Yes, I am quite goodlooking
I have long open hair
I am wearing a white saree with some fine print on it.I hv covered my upper body with some cloth, may be because I want to hide my identity….
iT s a shawl perhaps…
T; what time of the day it is…
C: its towards evening…little dark
T: How r u feeling standing there alone ?
C:I am confused,sad,and a little frustrated
T: why are u confused?
moving head sideways,getting restless
T:Its fine ‘M’
Just breathe in n breathe out
Allow your body to relax…
Allow your mind to relax…
T:I wll now count from 3 to 1,and at 1 you will go to another significant event of that life
T: Where are u
C:I am in my house
T: Tell me some thing about this house
Like How it looks like
C:It’s a pakka house,not big,has small rooms.Its on the side of the road.IT has pale walls…little old.Full of things like furniture,boxesbetc;etc.
T;who all are there with you in this house?
C:My younger brother and sister
T;Whats happening there
C: I am standing n looking at them
T:look into their eyes
Do you see any resemblance with anyonein this life?
C:MAY BE…. Don’t know…
T: as I count from 3 to 1 at 1 you will hear your brother calling you by a name .This was your name in that life
Just hear him calling you by your name
T: That’s gud
T: How do you feel when you look at them?
C:There is a lot of anger and conflict….
I know that they are my responsibilty now
N this is making me angry…
Making me suffocated…
I am so frustrated
And there is so much fear
T: what is the fear about?
C:Fear of losing me,my value, myself….
I have to look after them
T: How old are they?
C:They are in their late teens…
T:So there is quite an age gap
C:Yes… that’s why I have to take their responsibility
T:where are your parents?
C: SILENT…takes long time.No response
T : OK Now, as I count from 3 to 1 ,at 1 you will go to another significant event of that life from where this fear came
You will clearly see what caused this fear
Cl: Getting very Restless
T;Relax,you are just an observer…
Allow yourself to explore this moment…
It gives you the reason as to why have u been so fearful of being judged
Just relax n see whats is happening
T:what do you see now
C:My parents are no more…
T:What happened to them?
C:They met with an accident.
T:where Are your bother and sister ,are they around
T:How is the feeling?
C:I am sad but cannot express,there is no time for that
T: why do you say so
T:look around who all are there
C:People are there
T:look up at the sky and see the year in which your parents died is written there
T:ok now I wl count from 3 to 1 and at one you will go to a time and an event which is the connecting thread to the cause of the fear in this life. An constant fear of being judged …
Just relax and as I guide u ,you will see your self witnessing that significant episode from that life
T :Whats happening
C: I am at the same lonely dark place.Waiting…
T:This time As I count from 3 to 1,the person you are waiting for will appear there and you will know his name as well.
T:3 …2…and 1
T: Who has come?
C:Its my lover Abhay
T:tell me something about how he looks like
C:He is tall,slim, has moustaches,
T:What is he wearing
C:Grey shirt and a black pant
‘T’: Look into his eyes
Do you find any resemblance with someone from this life?
‘C’: remains silent….
T:Is he saying any thing to you?
C:He looks sad
T:Whyis he sad?
C:I am not expressive about my feelings,and I am not sharing with him ,how I feel
Perhaps he wants to listen to me more,perhaps I have conveyed to him something that has frustrated him as well.
T:How are you feeling
C:Not good,I think choosing him over my responsibility will be a very wrong decision.This will affect my image in the society .This will label me as a selfish woman who left her brother and sister after the death her parents . But I love him so deeply……
And I feel miserable when I think so.I feel that I will lose my respect by doing so.I find getting him back impossible.I have to choose.oh….(tears coming out)…
I am so angry on myself being unable to decide…
‘T’:How does he react when you convey this to him?
‘C’:He is extremely frustrated…as I am not giving him the exact reasons….
I don’t have courage to tell him that after having a beautiful relationship with him for so long ,I have to leave him for my good image in the society.Perhaps he is more frustrated than being sad….
T:what is happening now?
C:Nothing, he has left
T: how do you feel now?
C: I am deeply angry n feel suffocated with guilt, helplessness and frustration… n I also leave .
T:Now as I start counting from 3to 1 at 1 you will witness the last moment in that life .Your death.
T:You are dead and you can see your body from above
T:Describe it to me.Tell me how you died in that life?
C:I died of a lung disease… somewhat related with breathing issues
T:At what age did you die?
C: Early 5o’s
T:who all where present around you?
C:Neighbours and my brother and sister
T:How are your brother and sister reacting?
C:They are sad…
T; look into their eyes
Do you know anyone from this life who are similar to them
C: Yes, my brother and my sister in law (FROM THE PRESENT LIFE)
They also feel that why didn’t I give importance to my life
T: what was your dying thought?
C:I did not value my life,my love.
Nothing stops.My brother and sister managed alone sowell even after I died.
I should have been expressive about my desires and dreams.
May be If I shared my feelings with them,they would support me and I would manage both my love and responsibility in a beautiful manner…pause
Why was I so unhappy with the resposibilty
I was so conciouss of my image in my society
I thought that If I follow my love for him .people will judge me as a selfish woman…
But love is love…so beautiful…
It is harmless
I suffocated myself in presenting myself as an ideal woman who sacrificed her life for the family
I should have opened up … .
I felt like a loser in the end
I should have listened to myself also
C: Yes,expressing our feelings makes people ,understand us better.
T: So what is that you have learned from that life?
HELP REACHES US ONLY WHEN WE KEEP OUR DOORS OPEN
I SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED MYSELF AND TRUSTED MY LOVE …
I SHOULD HAVE EXPRESSED MY CONFLICTS WITH MY LOVER AND MY BROTHER SISTER .
To love is to trust…
Love , trust and patience are so important for a balancing a life…
‘T’: yes ,love is a powerful emotion which guides us towards a meaningful and significant path of acceptance and heals us all .Only love is true .
I wll be now counting from 3 to 1 and this time at 1 you will revisit that same event in that life from where this fear of being judged came up
And this time you will be visiting there with a great learning of trust in love and wisdom of patience .
So here we go 3…2…and 1
T: whats happening
C: We are there
C: I am standing with my lover
T: which place is that
C: The same place where we always met
C: smiling,its evening time and we have met.
T:Look into his eyes and tell me he reminds to you of whom in this life
C:He is my husband (From present life)
T: What is happening now?
C:He is smiling,holding my hand,looking into my eyes with so much love …
T:that’s lovely.is he saying anything?
C; I have told him openly about all my inhibitions,doubts and fear
I have told him to help me ,guide me
I have told him how this new responsibility is stopping me from loving hIm and my life… and how it is blocking my path from moving ahead
T:ok…now tell me how is he reacting to this?
C His eyes are reflecting so much affection…
:He is understanding my pain and dilemma and assuring me that he will soon find out a solution to this,He tells me to be little patient and give him some time.
T:Are you satisfied with his response?
C;love in his eyes has all the answers.I gain the faith in him.i am happy that I expressed.He is holding my hand and I feel so confidant.I know we will find a solution.I have to show some patience…
T: Is there any doubt still left?
C: No,I know that if we try together ,then we will find a way out.
T:that’s great.How do you feel now?
C: I feel loved.I feel confident.
C:hm….and smiles,looks satisfied n happy
T:’M’ do we need to explore some more which is significant for you ?
C: No,I have got what I was looking for…
got the cause of my conflicts , my pain…
she was quiet convinced and satisfied with the learning she received and after a while wanted to come back.So finally she was guided back through 1 to 10 counting process