Haven't slept for ages!


Mrs J
53 yrs
Doctor by education
Highly successful in family business of a large set up, after having given up clinical work for a few years, disillusioned by the existing medical industry scenario.

Severe depression sometimes ending up in hospitals, on high doses of medication…Was on moderately high doses when she saw me.
Vitiligo last 2 years.
OCD
Haven’t slept for ages!

Love marriage after 7 years of courtship
Victim of Domestic violence
Living in the same house but separately
( I don’t want divorce, I have put my heart and soul into this marriage, worked so hard, I want to feel good about my financial security)
One daughter in 20s , working, also on antidepressants.

Used to blame daughter that she was stuck in this marriage because of her.

Can’t forgive husband.
He pretends he’s a very good man.
I am an authentic person.
I cannot let go easily.
I was very timid before.
He put to sleep my pet dog that I was so attached to, without even telling me…How can I forgive him?
Biggest fear…Of losing daughter.

Born to parents 17.5 years after marriage…Always felt she was not wanted.
7. 5 years difference between brother and her.
Right from childhood, couldn’t live up to mother’s expectations.
Now she herself takes care of aged mother… but even now wants her approval in the smallest matters like dressing up…Wants to please mother.
She felt that she was not worthy of parents love especially mom’s.
Sexually harassed and abused as a teenager.
Hatred about violence.
No self love.
Felt like a failure.
Fear of swimming/water…(I like water but can’t swim…Just can’t make myself to learn,)

I can’t express openly…Fear of ridicule, judgement, right or wrong, what will they think of me…

(Total 16.5 hours…Over 2 days.)

Methods used
Progressive relaxation
Staircase…Door…Garden…

C: I am a little girl in a meadow…
Lots of greenery
Beautiful
Playing alone
I am 5
I am wearing a beautiful frock
Skipping
Jumping
Talking to myself

T: Where are the others?
C: no one else…I am alone
T: is your house nearby?
Do you see any buildings or structures?
C: no…I am alone but I am not sad…
T: where is your house?
C: I can’t see anything…
I can see huge trees and a path…
It’s dark near the trees.
I am scared I have to go that way
T: where do you have to go?
C: home…
Scared… I’m running through the dark path…
I see my home…

T: so you reached your home…
Do you see people there?
C: I see my mother and younger brother.
Mother has cooked something for me…
No father… Can’t see him…
Happy little place…


T: what are you becoming aware of now?
C: I’m in a school…In uniform…I see my parents…( different life)
They send me to the hostel…
I don’t know why…
I don’t like it here…
But I have to…
T: allow yourself to be taken to a significant event in that life…
C: I am coming back home.
My parents look different…
They are so much older…
There’s no emotion…

T: How are you feeling…
C: I am ok…I don’t feel the connect either…
I am now grown up…I am in New York…
I am alone…
I am not in any relationship also…
I am dying…In an apartment…All alone…People looked down upon me as I was unmarried…
T: how are you feeling?
C: praceful…it’s bright…light…
T: what was the message for you in connection to your current life?

T: take your time to absorb the learning which only your higher self knows best…Tell me when you are ready.

C: I am done…
T: would you like to explore more…
C: I think… That’s it…
I have a new clarity I didn’t have before…
T: do you want to come back?
C: yes.
Emergence

I feel even now I want to be by myself…I get anxious when people are there…I want my space…
My daughter comes near…I don’t allow her to hug and kiss…I only give my little finger to her( laughs)
I realise I carried a lot of those memories of being alone, lonely…
They were my strong belief…I continued to live with them…I mean those beliefs…
But this is a different life…I don’t need that way of thinking any more…
Thank you soooo much…
( And she hugged me!!!)

Session 2

A week later…
Client had not slept full night last couple of years…
From the day of first session she has been sleeping from 11pm to 6.30 am…Very happy about that.

Method used:
Progressive relaxation and pyramiding

…Staircase…Door…Light…

Deep trance…

C: Old temple
Not Indian
It’s Jordan?
Ruins
V v old
Lots of people…Busy…
There’s a pathway…
Huge stairs
I have to take the path to go to the temple
I am sitting on the stairs
With people
People are loud
Not pleasant
Curt
It’s like a market place
There’s commotion
Many come to to temple
There are horses also
I see carriages…Very old…I haven’t seen them…( means now… got these feed backs later)
T: hmmmm…

C: I am a boy of 15…16…
Clothes are like skirts
I am arrogant
Sitting on steps with friends
Not doing anything ( means work)
One friend is like brother
My brother…
He’s standing…
He’s always with me…
T: hmmmm…
C: We gossip around
I tell them do this do that, bossing
Laughing
Commenting

T: Do you live nearby?
C: House is farther away from the market…temple place…
T: who are the people at home?
Where are your parents?
C: Mother is at home…Cooking…
Father is busy doing work with his hands
People come for repairing metal kind
There’s a courtyard
Father is working there
Younger brother is always with me
Following around
I have many sisters
We are many children
My sister’s are not allowed to come with me
T: why?
C: Parents think I will spoil them
I am rude with them
My parents quarrel about my not doing anything
I don’t work
Simply loitering around
My sisters wear gown like.
Not too many colours, pale, beige white…
There’s a well in the courtyard
Sisters work at home
We have chickens
They are running around
They help mother
Their heads are covered with some clothing
Mother is making some bread and porridge like…
We are not well off…
We eat we live in our own house that’s it.
They are not happy with me because I don’t work, I don’t help them…
I’m not helping father…
I don’t like that work
Father looks very stern
Has beard
Extremely good looking father.
Sisters also
(she was just flowing fast)
But I don’t see any jewellery…Cotton clothes, robes
At lunch time I come home we eat together… we disperse…
…Silence…
(I am thinking what to ask)

T: breathing…Nice n deep…
Take yourself to the most significant event that is of relevance to your current life…
5, 4, 3, 2, 1…
C: Dad is angry with me
I am not even listening
He says I am the eldest in the family
He is shouting…
I don’t care
I scream…I say I’m hungry…
Mother is actually scared of my father
He tells her to keep quiet…
T: what is your feeling now?
C: I don’t like to do what he does…
I feel useless…But I love my people…
T: hmm
C: I have three sisters
One after me, then brother, then two younger sisters
I am bullying them.
I irritate others
Sisters have to set everything for me to eat
We are happy in our own world…


(Appears saddened)
T: what is coming to your awareness now?
C: I am sad…
Its gloomy…
All of us are worried about the war…But happy there is food…

T: hmmmm…
C: There is tension
Because we feel we may get invaded…
T: which year is this?
C: I see Roman numbers…
I am the leader of this loitering group…

T: hmmm?..
C: (stressed)

We’ve been attacked
Chariots
They take away young girls
Sisters are no longer there ( tears)
House is in a mess
Mother is devastated…
Crying with her head in her hands…

( I don’t want to cut the flow)

C: I am angry at myself
I feel I didn’t do enough
I couldn’t save my sisters
They are not there!
I am worthless…
T: if it’s uncomfortable, you can float above and watch …
C: I couldn’t save my sisters…
I was not a good son…
I don’t see my brother and father…(very sad)
I feel very sad…
T: I understand…where do you feel this sadness in your body?
C: my head, my heart,…like I am a failure…
T: I do understand…
I also understand that you want want to heal yourself at the deepest level…
Shall we explore, and go to the root cause?
C: yes ( eager)…
T: breathing…Nice and deep…
Allowing your subconscious mind to choose that memory which is of relevance…
Tunnel of light…
10,9,8…1…

T: what are you becoming aware of?
C: Different place
Different life
This is greener
Bushes and short trees…

T: you are doing well…
C: Looks like India…
Yes it is…
I am an adolescent girl…
Half saree…
Looks like south India…
There’s a river close by…
Fast flowing…
We are careful…
Because the river is fast flowing…
T: hmmm…
Are you with people?
C: It’s a far away garden…
We are having a day picnic…
Boys are there too…
We are having fun … There’s music…
Traditional melodious music…
Very beautiful place…
Many boys flirt with me…(laughs)
I like the attention…
Lots of girl friends too…
We are giggling …playing pranks…
We splash water…On each other…
We are playing tricks…
Ragging each other…
So much greenery…
Large trees here…
Water flowing sound…
Birds…

T: Which place is this?
C : Don’t know
T: Do you know the name of the river?
C: Don’t know… It’s a medium size river but the water is fast flowing…

I am having a lot of fun
Carefree…
T:hmmmm…
C: I am also worried…About…
I have to go back home…
T: Is your home nearby?
C: I am scared to cross a certain line drawn by my parents…( I felt I asked about her home prematurely and cut her flow…But she continued)
Parents wouldn’t like me behaving in a particular way…
I am sensing that in my mind…
They know I’m here…
I need to go…
There are no buses…No transport
It is not that period of time…Of buses and all…
We have to walk…
It’s a village…
At home I am very helpful…
Helping parents…
All of us are helping parents…
There is no school college…
Family and friends is all there is…
We learn…
We are farmers…
We grow rice, …And vegetables…
Mother doesn’t work in the fields , she’s at home
Father looks like my uncle (from this life)…
Mother is very pretty, gentle…
We are 5…
I have 2 younger sisters and 2 younger brothers…
My younger sister looks like my niece in this life…
I am very fond of her, even now.
We have fun as a family…
I take responsibility…
We sit on the floor to eat…
Brother is making jokes…(Laughs)

I am very happy…
T:hmmm…Wonderful…
C: Parents don’t tell me to work outside.
They are always talking about my marriage.
Mother is telling father…I don’t know when a good match will come for her.
We sleep together…
I am curious…
I eavesdrop…

They talk about everything, about the house, about money…
The person whom I am supposed to meet …They are looking for a proposal for me…He likes to tease me, I know him, he doesn’t care to play with us…He only teases…
T: hmmm…
C: We get married…
Small wedding…
Neighbours are there…
I’ve known him since childhood…
My name is Yashoda…
His name is Sri… Something…
Not very much older to me
I am giggling, i feel funny…
I am okay…
I am worried…To go there…
I am not scared, I tell myself…
Part of me, though I’m laughing…I am scared…
T: hmmm…
C: I have to leave my parents…
I can’t play with friends…
That place is far away…
Not very close…
I know I can’t visit my parents often…
I feel like my in laws are fond of me… but I can’t do the naughty things I once did…
Going to water…I like…To fetch…(in audible)


T:hmmm?
C: I live in the same village
I stop smiling
I have to wear saree
I help my father in law and mother in law do things…

River…(remembers the river often)
I like water…
I also feel that one day I will jump into the water…
When I see the dark I feel like it’s calling me…
I feel like I want to walk, walk, walk…To the river…
I feel I’ll die…

I have a girl and a boy…
Tiny…
5 and 3 yrs old…
There’s sadness…
Husband doesn’t trouble me…
But we are disconnected…
I can make out the way he looks…
I don’t feel anything…
No excitement…
Over the years it’s gone…
Everyone is busy…
I am being this perfect homemaker…
No one asks me what I want…
Husband and his father work together…
It’s a village shop…
Selling rice…We have field…
Vegetables…
We hardly speak…

I miss going to the river…
They say it’s not safe…

Sisters are married too…
My children are grown up…

I have pain…
You are wanted but not wanted…

No one asks you…

Sometimes I hate the children…
I feel obligated because of them…

I always want to go back to carefree days…
I have forgotten to laugh or smile…
I walk…Walk…Walk…
I am entering the river… It’s dark…
I don’t know how to swim…But I like water…I like this river…
I feel loved…
I am choking…
T: if it’s uncomfortable, jussst float above and watch…
C: I die…

T: what are your last thoughts as you leave your body?
C: I wanted to feel free…
No one wanted me…
But I regret also that I left my children…
T: what is the message for you for this life?
C: I want to feel detached and away from people because it hurts me that they don’t love me…
In the fear of being hurt if I’m too close, I don’t want to create strong relationships…
I want to run away…
T: beautiful insights there…
Your higher self knows to take as learning, the highest perspective that serves you now…
Take your time…To receive all the learning…
…(took some time…Deep sighs
T: hmmm…
What are you aware of now?
Are you in light?
C: yes…Peaceful…

( I felt by her breathing that she was in some other life time now)
T:hmmm…
Are you aware of something?
C: I am in an old age home…
Hospice like…
British kind of building…
Stone building…
I am not very old…Fifties…
I am very sick …tired…

T: what is the sickness called?
C: don’t know…
I am here because I need special care …
I feel they are duty bound…
T: who?
C: my family…
Do they want me to die?..
Are they waiting for me to die?..
Husband and children come to see me… There’s no emotion…
No one touches me…
Daughter is my niece…
Son is a nice boy…
I couldn’t eat very well, became more n more tired , sick…
Doctor came home and brought me here…Looks like English house…
Cottage like stone walls…
Quiet…
So quiet that I can hear footsteps of people…
People don’t talk loudly…
Been sick for a long time…
Doc tells that I have to go to this place…
There’s horrible silence at home also…
I want to believe that they love me…
There’s no love… It’s mechanical…
Scared of losing me…??
Scared to hug me also…
They know I am in a bad shape…
I die…
Peacefully…
C: I wish we could speak of better days… of the happy family we were…Of the fun things we did together…I wish there was more love…I wish they had communicated…I wish I had communicated…
Loving and telling so to the people is important…
T: lovely observation…
Do you now feel that love?
C: yes…In my heart…
I want to tell them I love them…

T: that’s beautiful…You can do that now…
Take your time…Covering them with the light of your love…Holding them together…Loving them…Communicating to them…
If you feel like , forgive them, forgive yourself for having understood things that way…
You are doing wonderful!!

(She gave some 4 or 5 long sighs and I knew she had done her inner work…I was sending love to her too…
I felt like she could do with loads of it…This is so beautiful…
Give=get…
I felt so loved…
There was something so beautiful and divine about sharing this love…
I was choking with gratitude…To Venu and all my masters)

T: how are you feeling?
C : very good…
T: would you like to come back now?
C: yes…

Emergence…
Integration…
She repeated what she had said just before closure…
Feeling very light and unburdened.
I kill myself because I think no one understands me, no one loves me.
I used to always withdraw from anyone trying to express their live for me…
I think deep memories of me being not good enough, not coming up to my parents expectation , feeling like a failure all came from all these memories…
Now I understand they were memories…Of lifetimes lived then…
Not true anymore…
Now I want to learn swimming!

1 week later:
J’s psychiatrist halved her medicines.
2 weeks later:
Hardly 2 meds
3 weeks later:
Doc has said he’d be stopping the meds…
She has been watering the plants, taking walks, involving herself with friends.
In her words:
I feel so free, so good, have never felt like this for ages…
I like my space still but I am now ok with my daughter coming , touch is OK…
Lot of clarity…
Nothing upsets me now…Once in a while when I was irritated with my husband, I could clearly say what I felt… That’s a breakthrough…
If I wanted to say anything to people,I used to think 10 times, what would people think, what will happen, how will they react…
I am able to talk without any arguments or confrontation within me also…coolly…
A lot of changes…
Aloneness is there still but it’s alright for me that I make that choice for my well-being.
I used to withdraw if anyone wants to show love ( shared 3 instances with me…Some from her long lost college friends who wanted to express their affection for her too!!!)…And I am able to feel loved and appreciated.
I used to be ok with women complimenting, men…noooo…But now I’m fine with it…

I have been able to express my opinion freely.
I am able to let go now…
She went on and on…The joy that she was experiencing!

Stage 1 to 6 extremely important.
Stage 7 with all my clients has been a break, lunch, stretching, music.
Going into stage 8 was easier after the fatigue was relaxed…

Most of the times my hmmm hmmm hmmm was enough…

I remembered Venu saying :

‘Pause is the hidden gold’
‘session is not about you, session is about client’
‘listen, listen, listen…’
‘Resist the urge to fix the problem’

Enjoyed the sessions!
Thanks Venu.

6 Likes

Wonderful Vandana. May blessings shower upon you, not for that you turned to be such a great medium to convert chaos in someone’s life to peace and love, but to strengthen you more and more to reach and address many more. A light house for a ship which is sailing in turbulence and unaware of its destination. Bravo!

4 Likes

Thanks so much Sachin…Your words are so motivating…Thanks again

2 Likes

Reading your sessions is like doing refresher courses Dr. Vandana. Thanks for sharing and lovely session of healing

3 Likes

Grateful Bhavani, we are learning so much from each other.

2 Likes

Yes, of course, we are learning from each other and that too so much. Tks.
Haresh

1 Like

Great session, Dr vandana … so even the feeling of loneliness and lost feelings are our carry forwards of our past life…
Its great that you made her life very relaxed and enjoyable.
May god bless you to do …more n more session.

2 Likes

Thanks for this beautiful session Vandana.
I learned so much as a therapist and a a human from this session.
Grateful to you.

2 Likes

The inspiration of the Himalayas harnessed by venz.ai


By using this site, you acknowledge that you have read and understood our Cookie Policy, Privacy Policy, and our Terms of Service as on www.amarantos.org

Site design/logo © 2019 Amarantos; user contribution licensed under cc by-sa 3.0 with attribution required.