This is continued from “Value of ‘Mother’ - Part 1”. Please read part 1 to make sense of this session.
It was about 11 months since Chaitanya had been through his first and only session. He called in the month of December 2019 to ask if he can come over for a second session. He wanted to go through the session in order to find the answers for the unresolved questions that bothered him. I could remember his earlier session very well and was also excited and looking forward to solve the questions that we both had. The fact that he was able to get into trance very quickly was also another reason for me to feel excited about the session with him. He came over in the first week of the New Year 2020. He said that he feels a lot of peace after the first session. He also said that he had experienced fear of old age prior to the earlier session, but had not mentioned this to me. He said that this fear had disappeared after the first session. He also mentioned that he does not get disturbed any longer by the fact that his mother has died early. However, he still had the fear of loneliness and was also worried about the pattern of his mother dying early. He was keen to understand the reason for the pattern and so was I. Regarding the migraine attack that he faced frequently before our first session, he said that he did not remember having a migraine attack after that session. But, he did get headaches very rarely which he felt was more due to his lifestyle issues. The headaches were very mild and they were something that he was able to handle with ease.
We decided to explore the reason for the pattern of his mother dying early first and then follow it up with the reason for him feeling lonely. We decided to go back to the earlier life in Tamil Nadu, when his mother had died at a young age when he was still a small boy and reconfirm his age at the time of his mother’s death in that life.
I used progressive relaxation for induction and guided him to the earlier life, the life where he had lost his mother early in life and his grandmother had taken care of him. He said he was seeing the same house in Tamil Nadu which he had mentioned in the previous session. This was one of his earlier lives which he had experienced in the last session. I felt relieved that he could go back to the same lifetime. He saw his mother of that life and was about 5 to 6 years old. He described his mother as a thin and dark lady with a pretty face. He said he saw himself having milk and also saw his grandmother standing near a pillar in the house and watching him joyfully. I asked him to progress to the time of his mother’s death and asked him if he was there.
Chaitanya: My mother dies.
Me: What happened to her?
Chaitanya: Died of illness.
Me: How old are you?
Chaitanya: Around 8.
Me: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Chaitanya: I sense I have an elder sister. She is about 16. We have a big age gap. I am 8. (He could not see or sense anything more of his elder sister. But, after the session mentioned that he sensed it was one of his cousin sisters in this life, but was not sure).
Me: Go back and see what happened to your mother?
Chaitanya: Her eyes are closed…head is bandaged. People got her from the hospital.
Me: Go back and see how she died. What is the reason for the bandage on her head?
Chaitanya: She met with an accident…she had gone to a temple…motor car hit her…she suffered head injuries…she was taken to hospital, where she died.
Me: Where were you when she died?
Chaitanya: I was at home…they got her body home…people are crying…my grandmother is also leaning against the pillar and crying.
Me: What happened to the driver of the car? Do you hold him responsible? (I wanted to understand if he has any emotions attached to the driver).
Chaitanya: I don’t bother.
Me: You seem to have a pattern of your mother dying when you are 7-8 years. Can you go to the root cause of this pattern?
Chaitanya: I am a small girl…6 years old…at a beach playing…it is somewhere in the west, may be Europe…I have a huge family…my father is well off. (He was seeing the other life which he had witnessed in the earlier session.)
Since we had already been through that life, I wanted him to go to the specific event responsible for the pattern.
Me: Go to the event from where you see the pattern.
Chaitanya: I am 60 years old. I see my father’s (of this life) image. I do not see anything.
I asked him to see if his father of this life had a relationship in that life.
Chaitanya: He said I see the dining table…father and the entire family. (But he could not make out if his father of this life was related to anyone from that life) .
I decided to take him to the time of death to see what comes out. He said, “I am dead and very old.”
Me: How old are you?
Chaitanya: 85-90…they are burying me…I am now floating.
Me: What are you feeling?
Chaitanya: Nobody is giving me time…children have all gone to take care of their lives.
Me: How was your relationship with your father?
Chaitanya: I love him immensely…he too loves me immensely.
I was not able to understand the relevance of this life. How was this creating the pattern? I suggested him to go back in time in that life when he was with the father.
Chaitanya: I love him and he loves me too.
Me: Where are you?
Chaitanya: I am in the fields.
Me: How old are you?
Chaitanya: In 40s…It is a grape vineyard…I am happy here and enjoying.
Me: Is there a significant event happening? What made you come here?
Chaitanya: It is 11th century (I wondered if the western life was in the 11th century.) He continued, “I am a scholar. ( Chaitanya was experiencing another life time. He had jumped on to something else .)
Me: What are you a scholar at?
Me: Where are you?
Chaitanya: I think South of India…I can see my face clearly. (He said he could see his forehead with the sacred ash and vermilion. Head was shaven with a short bunch left at the back. He also described his dress).
Me: How old are you?
Chaitanya: In 30s…I am well known scholar…I feel very arrogant about my knowledge and wisdom…I command respect from people…I perform poojas (a ceremony of prayer and offering to the Gods by Hindus - in the temples it is performed by priests) in temples…I see a huge idol of Goddess Durga…there are lot of big statues of different Gods…the place is Ujjain.
Me: But you said you are in South India.
Chaitanya: No this is Ujjain. Looking at my forehead, I thought it was South of India. My attire looks more like South Indian…I apply the Vibhuti (sacred ash) across my forehead…I am a Shaivite (followers of Lord Shiva – Hindu God)…my mother is very old.
I wondered if there was any significant event relating to his mother.
Me: How do you treat your mother?
Chaitanya: Nothing special…I treat her like anybody else.
Me: Do you take care of her?
Chaitanya: I don’t take care of her…she has no proper clothes…she is very lean…she is not fed well.
Me: What is your name? What does she call you?
Chaitanya: Ramanujacharya. (He told me after the session that his mother used to call him ‘Ramu’).
Without me having to ask or guide him any further, he started rattling.
Chaitanya: There is some property dispute…I am not happy with my share…mother has given more to my brothers and kin…I treat her badly…I don’t care for her…she gives immense love…I am an arrogant person…I hurt her feelings…she couldn’t do much about the property, but, I hold her responsible…it is about the fields…I got a small share…I abuse her…she dies of old age…guilt acquires me of not taking care…I took out the frustration on her…the guilt engulfed me…while her body burnt (at the funeral pyre), the emotions, pain take over…I feel guilty for it…I feel I don’t deserve a mother. Being such a knowledgeable person, a teacher to so many students on Vedas and Upanishads, I treated her badly…I was bothered about material things…I did not take care of her…I am guilty.
Me: Do you recognize her in this life?
Chaitanya: I think she is my grandmother in this life…my father’s mother.
Me: What do you need to do to break the pattern of losing your mother at an early age?
Chaitanya: I already paid for all my sins…I sensed guilt. I wanted to go through all the experiences of not having a mother.
Me: Would you want to ask her for forgiveness?
Chaitanya: I asked for forgiveness when her body was burnt…she has all love and care…I was in the wrong side…I realized this and told myself, I have to know the value of mother…I have to spread this knowledge to everyone…mother brings child to life…gives unconditional love…does everything …I decided that I have to go through this…I took good care of my wife and children…I was well to do, but did not take care of my mother…it was my greed for wealth…I listened to few people and did not take care of her.
He was going through lot of emotions. There was very little for me to do, but listen. After some silence, I continued, “Is there anything else to see here?”
Chaitanya: No, I had a peaceful life after this.
I wondered the reason for him to see the life where he was a woman and had led a lonely life. Did his mother die early even in that life when he was a small child? I asked him to go to that life when he was the little girl and move forward to the time of his mother’s death.
Chaitanya: Mother is really old at the time of her death. After some silence, he said, “I want to come back.”
He was feeling a heavy head and was full of emotions. He said he wanted to come back. I brought him back. He said he wanted sometime for himself as he was experiencing a sea of emotions. After the break, he said, “In the life where I was a girl, my mother was not a nice woman. She was not good to me. I had a very bad mother.”
He reflected, “value of the mother was taught in different ways.” He had lost his mother at an early age in two life times (present life and an earlier one) and in one he had a bad mother who did not love him. He now knew the reasons for his mother’s death at an early age. Our earlier question, on what was the reason for him to visit the life where he was the lonely old lady, had became clear. He said, when he was going through his emotions in trance, he had a sense that he had learnt the value of a mother and had no reason to carry forward the pattern.
He said that he could smell the air of the 11th century as the session was in progress. He was a priest at one of the big temples of Mother Durga ( a Hindu Goddess ) in Ujjain and was also a teacher, most widely respected. Ujjain is popular today in India as one of the sites of the twelve Jyotirlingas (sacred sites for Lord Shiva), but I was not aware about temples of Mother Durga. We did a quick research on the top Durga temples in Ujjain and looked at the images of the idols. He said, these idols are small. I saw huge idols of Durga and Ganesha (the God for wisdom and auspicious beginning) during the session.
As we were discussing, his grandmother in current life, who is very old, was undergoing treatment at a hospital. He wanted to go and see her at the hospital after the session, though it was late evening. We did not know if we had the reason for the loneliness he used to feel. We kept this to be resolved for another day. But, he felt he had understood the most important reason for the pattern of early death of his mother and also said that, “today he realizes the ‘value of mother’.”
After he left, I did some research about Ujjain and the temples in Ujjain. Ujjain is an important pilgrimage place for Shaivites, Vaishnavites and followers of Shakta (worshipped mainly in form of Durga and Kali). In the 13th century, Shams ud-Din Iltutmish of the Delhi Sultanate, had destroyed all its temples and Ujjain had come under the Islamic rule. No wonder that Chaitanya was not able to recognize any of the modern temples of Ujjain, when we searched the internet.
As Chaitanya left, he said something to this effect, “It was the 11th century when I decided to learn the ‘Value of Mother’ and I don’t know since then, how many lives I have suffered without a mother or with a bad mother to learn the lesson.” I wondered, “It has taken him ten centuries to learn that lesson. How long would one take to learn all the lessons?”
I remembered the below lines from Robert Frost poem,
“The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”